Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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