Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
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I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
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You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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