The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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