I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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