He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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