dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
