you guys were way drunker than both of me
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
