I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
