arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
