considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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