but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
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