I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
