I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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