Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
