when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
