I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
where are you?
Hypothermia
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
