i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I checked into jail on foursquare
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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