i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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