Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
