I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
