There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
