yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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