omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Found your dick twin last night
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
