Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
