This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
