Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
