Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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