so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
