i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
