you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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