so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
