she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
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oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
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You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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