Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize