I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
