omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
