When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
