there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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