Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
