I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
