it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
