the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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