well I can't set my house on fire every night
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
