Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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