bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
