you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
