Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
tell me about the eggs
Randomize