so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
