Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just pee around me
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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