Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
