So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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