I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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