he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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