Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
