he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
