That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
