I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
