tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
