the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
