did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
