I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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