The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
