I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
