i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize