As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
