Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
