Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
