yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Green mimosas i think yes
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
