Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
